due to a few recent events i will be removing a few things from my life… these things are alcohol, weed, drugs, laziness and disrespect of my parents(to their faces mwuahaha)
even tho my moms a piece of shit and literally the bipolarist fuck to walk the planet i still owe them a lot.
my high school experiences have been shit and put not only them but a lot of other people through nightmares so i owe it to them to put in alot more effort and dedication these last few weeks of junior year and continue throughout my school career.
i’ve grown up alot, realized a lot had a lot more experiences then many other average high school students with drugs, alcohol, relationships, and depression and i’ve matured a lot, even though i still have LOTS more to learn. even though it’s SO cliche, i’ve learned that things like time heals wounds, and don’t lie to your parents and actions speak louder then words are sooo truee just from personal experiences. i can’t wait for this summer because last summer i was so tied down with my ex boyfriend and this year even though i’m limiting myself a lot more i’m going to be way happier and i can’t fuckin WAIT!!!! :)))
its all become so unclear when the pain will end and the confusion will stop and i can stop being impatient and i will be able to find myself and pick back up again where i left off. i wish i could fuckin fast forward time. but not go back anymore. i’m over that because you are a fuckin prick and now i know what’s better for myself and to keep myself healthier. all i need is a few more pushes in the right direction.
today was the first day in atleast 5 months that i was able to listen to the song “your guardian angel” by the red jumpsuit apparatus as a whole because i finally feel okay and strong enough and self dependent to do so. i was able to smile and not shed tears. i was able to think back and be accepting instead of regretful. i was also able to see into my future and know i’ll be successful and you’re no longer holding me back =)
it all kicked in tonight.. everythings gonna be okay.. and i have so many people…i have choices and options, i have the willpower to make everything better & i have the energy to want better then what i have and previously had. i know and have finally convinced myself what better is and that i don’t need you. that i am ok. because i am. we had a lot. not anymore. we don’t have what we had because it was time for me to have something with someone else. someone who i can one day compare you to and say is 10 times better, because i know they will be. i just know it. so for you and all your childish acts and immature games and grimy decisions, fuck you. because i know i’m better off without you, and i’m happy that i knew you then and not now because literally your so dead to me. everything you fucking stand for
